Richard Grayson (1966-2005)-- One of the Lucky Ones.

Each year when I sit down to write this letter, I feel like I am dipping into a well of memories about Richard that will run dry one day, simply because his life ended when he was 38. We had four exhilarating years together but they came to an end in 2005. This year marks a turning point where I have now known more days without him than I ever had with him.

As you can see from the picture of the loving family that Gennaro and I have made, those days have included boundless joy. That joy was hard to imagine on the March day just before Richard died when we sat on the deck and looked out at the river. He said, "I can't do this if I don't think you'll be happy again some day. Maybe a year from now, two years, whatever you need." I choked out a bitter laugh at the idea of being happy again in a year or even two, but I promised him that I would be happy again, even though I couldn't see the path to that day. Some days now I step out on the deck, look at the same spot in the pine trees that I was looking at then and tell him, "I made it here. I'm happy. Thank you."

I still get so angry at his leukemia that my chest tightens up and my eyes sting with ever more tears. But this morning I thought, "He was one of the lucky ones." I know that sounds idiotic at first because no one who dies at 38 can be considered "lucky." What I mean is that Richard was lucky because when he was forced to face the nightmare of a cancer diagnosis, he had great insurance, the best of care, loving family and friends, a courageous heart and no regrets about the life he had lived. I imagine the families that get this diagnosis and have to struggle with fighting for life AND worries about paying the bills, getting to treatment, missing work and keeping a family going.

LLS is unique because it gives direct financial aid to families who are facing leukemia, lymphoma and multiple myeloma. It's money to pay the copays, the gas station or the grocery bill while your baby or husband is getting chemotherapy. Yes, some of the money we raise goes to the research that has vastly improved survival rates and quality of life. That is vitally important. For my own reasons, I visualize the money that I donate to LLS and raise on their behalf going to some frazzled out mom who hasn't been able to work in months and doesn't know where the gas money will come from. I know that mom would carry her child to Children's Hospital in Atlanta on her back for treatments if that's what it took to survive. I understand that.

Please consider making a donation to LLS. It makes a difference.

Love and laughter,

Ashley

Keep reading if you'd like to know more about Light the Night!

Light The Night Walk is The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's evening walk and fundraising event. It is the nation's night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of people battling blood cancers and to commemorate loved ones lost.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) funds lifesaving research that has contributed to major advances in the treatment of blood cancers and treatments for other types of cancer, such as chemotherapy and stem cell transplants. These treatments have helped patients live better, longer lives. New targeted therapies that kill cancer cells without harming normal tissue are providing drugs and procedures that are improving quality of life.

• A donation of $25 provides patients and their loved ones with FREE booklets that contain up-to-date information on their disease and help them make informed decisions about their treatment options.
• A donation of $50 makes possible a Family Support group with a trained facilitator where comfort can be found and experiences can be shared among patients and family members.
• A donation of $100 helps supply laboratory researchers with supplies and materials critical to carrying out their search for cures.
• A donation of $1,000 makes possible one- on-one conversations with health care specialists who provide patients with information about their disease, treatment options, and helps prepare them with questions for their health care team.

Please make a donation to support my participation in the Light The Night Walk and help save lives. Be sure to check my Web site frequently to see my progress, and thanks for your support!