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Susan Sattari's

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In January of 2008 I had a weird feeling come over me while working. I really didn't feel sick, just a little shaky and somewhat dizzy. I tried to ignore the feeling hoping it would subside. I knew it couldn't be anything serious. Or could it? Then my mind began rolling around scenarios and I finally decided that I was having some sort of stroke. I contacted my daughter, Rebecca, to pick me up since I was a little nervous about driving. I asked her to take me home where I could rest but Rebecca insisted that she take me to the Emergency Room and get checked over. "Better safe than sorry, Mom," she said.

The ER doctor at the local hospital was not too concerned when I explained my symptoms and I was feeling much better now that I was in a hospital with a physician (of course). Rebecca, still very concerned about me, met privately with the doctor and insisted on further tests. She wanted to make absolutely sure I really was clear to go home. The doctor hesitated but with my daughters insistence she then ordered a chest x-ray and brain CAT scan. The doctor began preparing my discharge from the ER, unsuspecting of what she was about to discover.

Then came in with the results of my tests. The visibly upset ER doctor pulled her computer up to where I could see the x-ray films of my head CAT scan. Pretending to comprehend what she was saying and yet not having a clue as to what I was looking at on her computer screen, she explained that the CAT scan showed two areas of concern. I was confused. What is an "area of concern"? The results of the CAT scan were devastating and fate now had me being setup with an entirely different scenario than what I could have ever imagined for my life. My first emotion was shock and then the thought that my life was over, as I knew it. Nothing would be able to put me back into the comfortable lifestyle I had always known.

I do not think this kind of news ever sinks in completely. Cancer is something other families suffer with not mine. I want you to try to imagine what it might feel like to wake up normal one morning and by that afternoon be staring death in the face. How am I going to tell my husband and kids that I'm on my way out? What about my life? My perfectly happy life...why me and why now?

The diagnosis was metastatic brain cancer, two stage four malignant tumors one on each side of my brain with Central Nervous System Lymphoma.

I was transferred by ambulance to an oncology unit at a major cancer center in Portland, Oregon to serve out what I thought was a death sentence. I was surprised to find the hope and the medical knowledge available to help me to recover.

As my diagnosis became clearer over the next few days I was introduced to a wonderful doctor and team of cancer specialists who gave me the hope that I may be able to beat this horrible disease. I was so glad to hear the hope in my doctor's voice and his encouragement that he could do something to help not only the length of my life but the quality of life restored to what I was accustomed. All because of his God given passion for life and the quality of life that means so very much for all of us. I know too that he is one of the amazing scientists bringing the cure for cancer within the realm of reality. None of us know how long we have but the quality is something that really makes a difference. If you feel like living it is much easier to get up in the morning to face the day.

Over the past several months I have learned to believe in people like never before. My family has always been there for me but the feelings of love have illuminated all my relationships with my children and sweet grandchildren. I began to realize to love everyone and everything is what being alive is all about. It is important to see things the way they are, cope with what you have been dealt and make the best out of it. You have so much to give.

I started therapy immediately going through a strict regiment of Chemotherapy and Radiation. I have been hospitalized several times, been poked and prodded, MRI'ed and scanned constantly. I have gained a lot of weight and lost all of my hair. But I am alive. I especially want to thank my husband who has been by my side and convinced that with positive attitudes and unwavering faith we will beat this disease. He truly is my rock. He makes everyday worth waking up to and does not miss a night without a kiss and telling me how beautiful I am.

If your family is ever faced with this type of situation, the key to survival as a family is to remember the love you feel for the person affected, not the disease that has so rudely interrupted your life. There is overwhelming support in each community for cancer and related diseases. Reach out, stick together, do not waste time trying to figure out why this has happened, and just know that for some reason you were chosen to experience this as your journey through life. We do not understand but we know we must do all we can to live each day to the fullest even though some days may seem impossible.

Get closer to your family and the team of doctors who refuse to give in to the myths of incurable Cancer and continue to look for a cure. Hopefully my experience will give the professionals the experience they need to capture this disease so our children and grandchildren will not have to go through the pain of it all.

Now I know what it means to "live each day as if it were your last" or to "keep loved ones informed on how much they mean to you" because life is not fair and tragedy can strike at a moments notice.

So on that day in January when I received the cancer verdict I decided to face this challenge with acceptance, with a strong mental outlook so I can be a role model for my family and an advocate to my fellow cancer survivors.

As for the MOST important day of my life, I would have to say that everyday is important to me. Cancer will do that for you. But the most important day as of this date is that I have been declared cancer free. My tumors are gone and there are no signs that the CNS Lymphoma is any longer a threat. I will be having occasional scans and routine checkups to watch for any threatening signs of cancer returning. My prognosis looks outstanding. I have truly been blessed. Thank you to my wonderful parents, husband, my loving children and grandchildren. I know without their strength and refusal to let go of me has made me well and whole again.

Well, this is my story and the most important day of my life is today!! As it was yesterday. Each day getting better. The most important day of anyones life is everyday that we are here making a difference in not only our own lives but also the lives of family, friends and strangers. Make the most of each day you are blessed without hesitation and enjoy the journey all the way to the end.

Light The Night Walk is The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's evening walk and fundraising event. It is the nations night to pay tribute and bring hope to thousands of people battling blood cancers and to commemorate loved ones lost.

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS) funds lifesaving research that has contributed to major advances in the treatment of blood cancers and treatments for other types of cancer, such as chemotherapy and stem cell transplants. These treatments have helped patients live better, longer lives. New targeted therapies that kill cancer cells without harming normal tissue are providing drugs and procedures that are improving quality of life.

A donation of $25 provides patients and their loved ones with FREE booklets that contain up-to-date information on their disease and help them make informed decisions about their treatment options.

A donation of $50 makes possible a Family Support group with a trained facilitator where comfort can be found and experiences can be shared among patients and family members.

A donation of $100 helps supply laboratory researchers with supplies and materials critical to carrying out their search for cures.

A donation of $1,000 makes possible one- on-one conversations with health care specialists who provide patients with information about their disease, treatment options, and helps prepare them with questions for their health care team.

I want to publicly thank the love of my life Shahin Sattari, my parents, Bill and Lorraine Barrett, my children Abigayle, Tyrone, Billy, Dawn, Rebecca, John, my "angel" Angela, my grandchildren Alex, Tyra, Tatiana, Ricky, Sean, my sister Sondra, my nieces Kristen and Tina, my cousin and best friend Karen, my aunts and uncles Carole and David, Larry and Eleanor , my doctors Cynthia Caraballo, Keith Lanier (a saint), the Columbia River Study nurse Gail Heffernan and all the nurses, medical assistants, lab technicians, researchers at Providence St. Vincent's Hospital and the Hematology/Onocology Clinic at Providence. If I have forgotten to thank anyone, please know that I am sincerely grateful to all that contributed so positively throughout my treatment. I live because of each of you!

Please make a donation to support my participation in the Light The Night Walk and help save lives. Be sure to check my Web site frequently to see my progress, and thanks for your support!